SPRINGTIME IN SANDWICH, ILLINOIS

The harm less
hose
spews thread that’s stale
and lacks the spider’s webbing.

I can not do this any more.

The preacher
preens.
His flaccid tongue is hiding
in his textured tone.

We all must fail the fi nal hour.

The clos ed
blind
blocks the light that should
be consequential.

I am grown old too fast once more.

And where
is
the question that
begins the ending?

Tied up in the cloth of my desire?

Turned purple by the stain of your love?

And what is God but this?
Hello.
Goodbye.
Hello.

it's a chilly morning here, but at least the sum is out. kind of a silly statement since the sun is always out; we just can't see it directly sometimes. I'm feeling lazy. so far I've just been lying back in the recliner listening to cds. in about an hour-and-a-half I'm going to have to go to have lunch with faith up at the school. I'll buy food from johnnie k's. then i'll park in front of the school and she'll come out and we'll eat in the car. nothing at all planned for this afternoon. tonight I go to the friday night celebrate recovery meeting. mixed feelings there.

I'm not feeling very creative today...guess I'll go.

i've decided to go back to journaling.

i'm thinking of putting together another poetry manuscript. i've been reading over some of my poetry that wasn't included in ordinary things and i think i can whip it into shape without too much editing. i'd at least have a good sized chapbook.

it's quiet this morning. faith is still asleep and skippy is curled up on the love seat. the blinds are still closed so there's not that much light coming in. i wish i had plans for today. all my days are filled with sameness. it's a pleasant sameness, but it's a sameness nonetheless. but i'll take this dull sameness over th excitement of my acting out days every time.

i've got a fresh cup of coffee. i think i'll go stretch out in the recliner till faith gets up.

clutching the small containers tightly
and mumbling 'better safe than sorry'
I paint myself into this foggy corner
I can't write my way out of
I am swaddled in cuddly comfort
as I go through my fuzzy days
tiny pink white and yellow pieces of confidence
buoy me up
but muffle my emotions
still
I am safe
maybe it's worth it

I had a dream about my father last night
I saw him getting irritated
and watched his blossoming temper

I recognized myself
I can be set off by the simplest things

like a question
or a tone of voice.
I know there’s no call for it

I loved my father
but I was also afraid of his anger
I don’t want people to be afraid of me

especially the woman I love

I am not my father
in so many ways
but I still channel him

I will talk to Annie about this
I want to change

stretched out between my thigh and the arm of the chair
nose buried beneath my knee
he sleeps
while I just sit and watch him
my life is so boring
the sun rises
the sun sets
and I have nothing to show for it
but this
the promise in this spring breeze
and your love

SKIPPY TOO

barely longer than my lap is wide
legs that are long enough to keep his belly off the floor
long black hair all over his body

with splashes of brown on his feet and tail
a muzzle that is black and brown
and a small brown eyebrow over each eye

I feel his body heat against my fore arm and upper thigh
as I sit stretched out on the recliner by the window
my face not six inches from his

I watch his nose twitching as he reads a book on the morning air
a book I can’t even find
he watches traffic passing by

his head turning this way and that with every new distraction
finally he becomes bored and lays his head against my shoulder to sleepand once again serenity is within my clumsy reach